Essay for
Aprio 2009

Internal Disconnect
(Or, a discourse on the 'existence of nothing')

All the 'things' we see and touch are of a temporary nature which, of course, includes the human body. If that body only has an elemental existence then its short-term life expectancy can appear to be naturally imbued with a seemingly purposelessness, empty, and directionless existence. Life becomes one of personal security: food, shelter, status, and power or control, along with emotional security and surety, which is internal security. Beyond that combination, life has no meaning, with work and relationships dominating existence until one's physical demise. When that event occurs, all the elements that made the human body slowly disintegrate and simply return to the earth. What we thought we were returns to 'nothing', to be as if we never were, which is not an overly satisfying or comforting thought-form. However, is that thought-form really a reality? Or, is that thought-form just a self-created or accepted belief, normally based upon the fact of the all too real disintegration of the physical body when its life force is expended. Raising the question, what it that life force? Is it just the normal functioning of the human body? Or, is there something greater within all humans, providing the means for the body to use its component parts and, by that use, experience itself as that 'something' greater?

Within the investigation to discover what that life force is, you will ultimately realize that what you based your earlier assumptions (beliefs and constructs) upon was what the mind created or accepted. However, you will also discover, when attempting to uncover what that life force is, an interesting aspect of your existence that prior to that investigation had escaped your notice. That discovery being, your mind rises and falls upon demand, or it moves, but what witnesses that movement is experienced as being internally stationary, non-changing, and motionless. Up to this moment within your existence what the mind created, dominated your life. However, now you have stumbled upon 'something' internal that is not mind created and does not alter or change in any manner, ever, initiating the realization that you are experiencing 'something' that is not biologically connected or determined, as everything biological is in constant alteration or change. This is the discovery of an internal stationary center that never, ever, moves. It may take years to appreciate that experience, but once you begin your internal exploratory journeyless-journey, in some form and ultimately, that stationary and silent center will be unveiled, realized, and so known to be 'something' that could never be biologically or materially created.

That stationary center is not biologically formed, as everything biological is in some form of change or movement, unveiling the center's non-alterable consistency, and that consistency confirms its immovability. Meaning, there is 'something' within you that does not move, supporting or underpinning the moving mind. This may be the first tenuous hold upon what can be appreciated as 'something' that is not biologically created, making that 'something' potentially indestructible. This initial discovery is the first glimpse of an internal life force that never alters in any manner. Meaning, there is 'something' within your biology that is not biologically created, validating your internal explorations and removing the erroneous thought-form that when the human body is returned to its elemental state, 'nothingness' follows. You are now internally aware of 'something' that initially appears to have an element of indestructibility about it, but just cannot clearly define what that potential indestructibility is, and what it means to have it.

The internal investigation now begins to explore what moves in relation to what does not move. What moves is the mind, which is all-over-the-place all the time. That movement is the normal daily functioning of the mind, gathering and disseminating information, concurrently manipulating that information to support both internal and external security. Within that action, the moving mind establishes beliefs, constructs, and a variety of patterns, and those patterns oddly enough remain consistent. They are static, until new information is added to enlarge or shrink the self-created borders of that immovability, changing the content of the pattern, but not its operation. That is important to appreciate as we normally witness new information (referred to as mind 'objects') as something new, but the new information is simply enlarging or shrinking the borders of the pattern that holds the information. Humans appear to be easily seduced by apparent new information, new relationships, new 'toys', but that is just the same old controlling pattern disguised within new experiences. For a real experience, discover what the holding (controlling) pattern is and what it does.

Meanwhile, the mind is out and about playing within the sandpit of manifestation, until something strikes one of those unmovable internally held 'objects' (beliefs, constructs, patterns), then the mind releases an attack/defend mode to protect those held mind 'objects'. And so life goes until it comes to an end, then the moving mind, being biological, disintegrates as the human body disintegrates; possibly the origins of the belief that death is entering eternal 'nothingness'. However, that is just a belief resting upon the human body and moving mind, without taking into consideration the discovery of 'something' within your existence, that is non-moving, hence, non-biological, and therefore non-destructible. This non-biological, non-moving element that never moves, never alters, or changes in any manner has nowhere to go, as it is not biologically created. When the biology goes, where does the non-biological 'element' or component of your existence go? It is an interesting conundrum.

The duality conundrum of moving and non-movement 'elements' of your existence reveal what is referred to as 'passing through the gateless-gate'. It is Buddhist terminology that has universal application as everyone who is determined to explore his or her existence ultimately comes face-to-face with the 'gateless-gate'. On this side of the 'gateless-gate', the gate is very real and solid. On the other side of the 'gateless-gate', the gate does not exist, making it gateless. Experiencing the 'gateless-gate' begins with an intellectual comprehension that the mind is what moves, and that movement is used to recognize what does not move. Know or experience the resolution of the movement/non-movement duality conundrum and your life takes on an entirely new hue, as old mind colors no longer control how you paint the canvas of your existence. The once dull colors gain a new brilliance, lighting up a new pathway that always existed, but could not be seen as the dullness of mind colors (beliefs, constructs, and patterns) obscured it.

It does not take much investigation to discover what does not internally move; consciousness, making consciousness non-biological, as it never alters, whereas everything biological is in constant alteration. You simply have to stop thinking and become aware of yourself, and that silent-awareness is consciousness. You can do that little exercise any time within your lifetime and you will always experience yourself identically, no matter how much the mind 'objects' within your beliefs, constructs and patterns have altered. Hence, consciousness is your life force, never altering or moving. It can appear as if consciousness does alter, but that apparent change is just a temporary biological electrochemical alteration or mind 'object' illumination, making it appear that consciousness alters. However, consciousness only appears to alter and that appearance only occurs as you think the mind and consciousness are the same thing, but they are separate. Intellectually and then experientially knowing the separation of non-biological consciousness and the biological mind sets the stage to pass through the 'gateless-gate'.

Consciousness being non-biological cannot be altered by any biological force. It has its own 'life', but the biological mind is what brings that non-biological 'life' into life, or denies that 'life' its freedom to discover its 'life'. If you can feel the direction of that sentence along with intellectually understanding it, you will have unveiled a greater-valued self that the mind has unknowingly obscured from view. This means, and it is a big mean, the mind is what contains the potential to eternalize your indestructible consciousness or simply leave it the way it was received. When your physical end comes, and come it will, if your indestructible consciousness has not experientially been made yours, it then has no place to move to and so returns to where it originated, and then, yes, you do enter the state of eternal 'nothingness'. A gift not wanted is a gift rejected, and that decision will be respected. If you are interested in a biblical reference for those last statements, read Mathew 25:14 The Parable of the Talents from the New Testament.

The question is then, how do I eternalize my indestructible consciousness? The answer to that question is both simple and complex. The simple is rarely ever appreciated, as humans believe they have advanced far beyond the simple, but they also have an interesting ability to avoid the complex. Leaving most marking time, with the moving mind giving the appearance of advancement, but that is just playing and building sandcastles in the sandpit of manifestation: expanding and contracting various patterns. You can manipulate the sand into any form you want but the manipulation does not provide any understanding of where the sand came from or why it exists, and the understanding is what is important, not the manipulation, as the understanding is what allows you to pass through the 'gateless-gate'. The 'gateless-gate' is perpetually open and visible: realizing that reality begins by first recognizing you are the only one blocking the pathway from view.

What are the simple and complex methods to achieve that internal liberation, allowing one to directly participate within, and eternalize, the indestructibility of consciousness. Both the simple and complex methods have endless entry points, but one of the most effective is first gain an experiential foundation of what internally moves in relation to what does not internally move. Then, you will have sufficient experiential knowledge to know which pathway is best suited to you. It does vary, hence, the great difficulty of suggesting one pathway as versus another. Although, at the end of this journeyless-journey, you will discover that all pathways lead in the same direction and the same destination, just from different launch positions, making them appear different, but the reality is they are identical. You will know if your chosen pathway is right for you, as your inner and outer life will constantly be in harmony. That does not imply your life will be lived in peace and happiness, as the reverse can be true. The inner harmony demands you tackle external disharmony, and that is where your inner peace can run headlong into immovable obstacles. Meaning, your inner harmony is constantly tested to see if it really is true or just a wish-projection. If it is a wish-projection, the inner harmony has little chance of survival. Whereas, if that inner-harmony rests upon the equanimity of duality (moving/non-moving) resolution it will survive all external difficulties, in the direst of circumstances, while retaining your center, direction, and inner peace.

It is well worth the effort to make the indestructibility of consciousness eternally yours. This is accomplished by living within absolutes and using the mind to make those absolutes a physical, mental, and spiritual (directional) reality within the relative. If no effort is expended in that direction, you will discover you are rarely at peace, or the peace is short-lived and normally dependent upon some form of seductive stimulation. Make the effort, enjoy the testing moments as they reinforce the internal harmony solidifying your internal peace in the middle of confronting conflict. If your inner life remains in harmony, you are at peace. If not, you are at war and the war is generally with yourself. Know the war and you know yourself.

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